My Room Part 5

The aftermath

13th Feb 2003 : 7AM

By now i had a few hours for myself. To think and ponder upon what has happened in the last 24hrs. It sent a shiver down my spine thinking abt what happened with the guys frm the other side. I was not too happy that guys we targeted got away. There was regret too... that some innocent souls got hit... the more i thought about it, the more i felt for them... I guess it had a lot to do with the fact that I was getting a bit scared of what these guys might do to other friends of mine... also i was thinking if this was just the beginning of series of clashes... and if i will have to pay more dearly for what has happened....

I was in denial. To everyone who did not know anything about this... I was in complete denial.. I had made a story in my head and repeated it every time some1 asked me what happened... after the 3rd or 4th narration it sounded so real and true that I started believing it too... Its been about early morning the cops had come to visit us. By now almost every single word i was telling sounded so real that every question had a very genuinely sounding answer, and these cops, who are the best at catching a wrong word in a wrong sentence ran out of questions. Wow!!! i am doing good job here... and the names came out flowing outta my mouth.. as was planned!!!

A few more hours passed and a few local politicians have come to meet us. I guess none of them were ever genuinely interested in our cause.. it was just yet another routine things these guys had to do.... 'to keep these young cadres in high spirits...' It hardly helped any of us. In fact it just rubbed more salt to already broken nose and sore and bloody lips... For me it was not politics... it was my right to freedom... my right to do what i want without crossing the line... I dint do it for some bloody publicity... I did it because i dint want to live in fear. i dint want my friends to live in fear... I wanted to scare them who tried to push us... I wanted to send shiver down their spines... and now it is getting politicised... Is this what i set out to do?

But, some my genuine friends told me that these guys were reqd... Without political back-up we wud be a bunch of kids fighting against a political party which could wreck havoc in North Kerala. Then it would not be called a fight... it would be a total annihilation... and i was stuck btw the devil and the deep blue sea!!!

to be contd...