Monday 31 August, 2009
Tuesday 18 August, 2009
Confessions part 1
Dear All,
I am really thankful to all of you who have contributed in their own ways to this blog. Some of them by posting comments, others by sending mails to me, a few others on chat and all others who have been active readers.
Lately I have been suffering from a writer's block and hence was not able to find a good topic or incident to write upon. So i have decided to start with fiction. In this series I plan to make a few confessions which is purely fiction and has no truth in it whatsoever. So please read and enjoy. Thank you.
Michael Lawrence
Confessions of a born Spectator
Dear Michael,
I have been reading your blogs for a while now. I have found it interesting but I don't believe much of what is written in your blog is true. Also, unlike what you have told in your previous posts of people being shades of grey and not black or white you have been painting people in black and white. All the people on the other side... you have painted them black and guys on your side... they have been white. I am an anonymous and would like to remain the same. But I would like to echo a few things that are in my mind which are not in sync with your thinking or how you have been in campus or what you did in the campus.
You might be wondering who I am or why I do not have the balls to write to you without hiding behind a mask. Well, it is just true to how i have been all my life. I was in the hostel the same day you got hit. I saw your bloody nose and swollen lips, I also saw a few others get hit. I was feeling bad for all that happened. I wanted to rescue and be in the middle of the things and get them outta there. I saw the crowd gather outside the room of 'the bearded guy from kayamkulam'. I saw them enter his room and how they pounded on the bearded guy. I saw how they came in huge numbers and over-powered all of you. The bearded guy was my friend too. He was better friend of mine than you were. I was not there when they hit you... But when they started to pound on the bearded guy i wanted to intervene. I did not. The longer i stayed there, the harder it became for me not to intervene. So i walked out the 1st floor and went to the mess. I was shivering... I was scared. I was feeling the pain. I was contemplating hiding in some toilet or get out of the hostel thro' the kitchen door.
In the pretext of getting water from the mess, I walked right into the mess and then slowly opened the kitchen door. I was surprised that the kitchen door was not shut. Even though it was dark I knew exactly where the switches of the lights were. I stumbled across the door and switched on the light. And then I heard someone swearing me from behind. I turned around. I saw a familiar face. It was not the cook, nor was it the help of the cook. It was a face I had seen in the front row of your campaign for elections. It was the same guy who had given a hundred speeches. He was not alone. He was with a few others who were as chicken as me. I know I have been a chicken but today I am happy that I did not poke my nose into someone else's business.
Today, I am working in a software MNC with good reputation and great salary. I am proud that I have been able to help my younger siblings financially for their studies. I am proud that my parents' medical needs can be easily taken care of. I am proud that I have bought myself a car and awesome blaupkunt sound machine.
I am sorry I have been a born spectator all my life and I will continue to be..... But just want to quote you here "And I, Aint no Jesus Christ. Aint no Satan. i am just me. Not black. Not white. Just like any of you, another shade of grey. How grey I really am... well it depends on how you wanna see it..." Please do not judge me.
Thanks and Regards,
The faceless Man....
Saturday 1 August, 2009
The Aftermath part2
13th Feb 2003 : 4PM
As the day wore on and so did my peace of mind. Some of our visitors, the genuine ones, tried to keep us in high spirits. One of them, a localite, came to me, pulled me aside and asked me. 'What next?'. 'Excuse me', I thought,'Can anyone be more confused than me at this stage? and you are asking me ...' But i had to put a brave face here. I told him,'let us see how it goes'. He continued, 'Mike, you tell me what we should do. If you want us to hit them again, we are ready for it.' I don't know why it made me feel so good. when he told me that i can choose my fate (and also may be the fates of a few others) I felt so good. Maybe it was just the lack of control i had over my campus life. Maybe it was just that i was being important. Maybe it was just having the powers.
I thought abt it for a moment. For some1 who got scared and got hit for the first time in his life less than 24hrs ago was pondering about another attack. Power can be really addictive!!! But, I gathered myself and told him. 'No..Not now dude!!!' I think deep inside he was happy too that i made that decision.
But in retrospection I think I made the wrong decision. I should have gone ahead and asked himto take it out again. Because it was not just me who was scared. They were scared too. They hit us back because they were scared. It was a matter of seeing who blinks first. Today, six years and 166days later i regret that we blinked first. And today, I know that i had to be a politician not an apologetic one that I turned out to be, but a calculated one. One who could have made use of that 'stout bastard from Mech'. That 'sbfm' who i shared my room with. That 'sbfm' who came to visit me that evening and gave me courage!!! That 'sbfm' who dared to lay his rotten hands on his pals who was with him thro' thick and thin.
I had to be a calculated politician. One who could have understood this sbfm's need for being the hero. Should have made use of him. Should have asked him to hit back for me. All his ego wanted was a lil bit of notice. Being with us he was just another guy. On the other side, he became a celebrity overnight. He was their best cricketer, their best comperer, their mech-rep, their best showman, their JAM judge(hahaha), their goto man. And above all.... the biggest M*ther f*cker in the world.
As the day wore on and so did my peace of mind. Some of our visitors, the genuine ones, tried to keep us in high spirits. One of them, a localite, came to me, pulled me aside and asked me. 'What next?'. 'Excuse me', I thought,'Can anyone be more confused than me at this stage? and you are asking me ...' But i had to put a brave face here. I told him,'let us see how it goes'. He continued, 'Mike, you tell me what we should do. If you want us to hit them again, we are ready for it.' I don't know why it made me feel so good. when he told me that i can choose my fate (and also may be the fates of a few others) I felt so good. Maybe it was just the lack of control i had over my campus life. Maybe it was just that i was being important. Maybe it was just having the powers.
I thought abt it for a moment. For some1 who got scared and got hit for the first time in his life less than 24hrs ago was pondering about another attack. Power can be really addictive!!! But, I gathered myself and told him. 'No..Not now dude!!!' I think deep inside he was happy too that i made that decision.
But in retrospection I think I made the wrong decision. I should have gone ahead and asked himto take it out again. Because it was not just me who was scared. They were scared too. They hit us back because they were scared. It was a matter of seeing who blinks first. Today, six years and 166days later i regret that we blinked first. And today, I know that i had to be a politician not an apologetic one that I turned out to be, but a calculated one. One who could have made use of that 'stout bastard from Mech'. That 'sbfm' who i shared my room with. That 'sbfm' who came to visit me that evening and gave me courage!!! That 'sbfm' who dared to lay his rotten hands on his pals who was with him thro' thick and thin.
I had to be a calculated politician. One who could have understood this sbfm's need for being the hero. Should have made use of him. Should have asked him to hit back for me. All his ego wanted was a lil bit of notice. Being with us he was just another guy. On the other side, he became a celebrity overnight. He was their best cricketer, their best comperer, their mech-rep, their best showman, their JAM judge(hahaha), their goto man. And above all.... the biggest M*ther f*cker in the world.
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